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The US might be more religious whacky than Europe, passing stupid and embarrassing laws about porn and bathrooms, but at least we put a stop to that nonsense about the church bells.

Really, five minutes on the hour beginning at 7 and going til 11? Then it settles down to only ringing the hour all night long? [1]

[1] I know this because 0) jet lag, and Europe [2] has also not figured out 1) fans, 2) sheets, 3) pillows, 4) bug screens, interior climate control [3], and 5) sun-dried tomatoes [4]. Also not figured out microwaveable protein. Tyson – huge market for you here. I really don’t want to spend 45 minutes cooking chicken every night.

[2] Well, ok, I’ve heard that Germany is the Alabama of Europe (and Bavaria is the Texas of Germany), but I’m looking at you too, Spain, France, and CR. So far so good Switzerland but for 4x the cost you better not wake this atheist out of my Ambien-fuelled jet-lag-induced 4:00-7:30 AM slumber with fucking church bells.

[3] Yeah, it’s no fun being gowned up, masked, gloved, hairnetted in a cleanroom at 27 C and 50% humidity but there’s nothing to be done because green. Or something. Sweat and flight hardware would seem to be incompatible.

[4] No, Aldi is not the same as TJ’s.